The sun is shining, and my depression is gone. I haven’t felt an episode since the breakup which is a further sign that everything is working out the way it’s supposed to. I have zero regrets over the last five years of my relationship or the adventures that my ex and I traveled. We toured the world because we were friends. Friendship is the outline of any successful relationship, and we had that covered from day one which I think made the split easier to deal with because I knew I could fall back on my friendship with Colby and know that everything continued going to be okay. Even if we didn’t have Denali, it still wouldn’t have changed anything.
I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and I feel confident in knowing that Colby and I will have a great friendship and that our dog Denali will have a fantastic life because I’m still going to be there for him just as he was there for me through all the tears of breaking up. Dogs are incredibly sensitive to our emotions, and as hard as it is to no longer live with Denali I have his photo up in my crash pad, and I am finding dog fur on the floor already. See. The gift of owning dogs. Their coat goes everywhere you go.
Being single now, and sober I am determined and focused as ever on my continued journey towards health, happiness, AND sobriety. Just because I’m on my own will never give me a reason to run out for a drink, or bring a bottle home and cozy up on the couch and watch reruns of Will & Grace. Yeah no. That is not who I am, and that is not my life anymore. I’ll wait for the Will & Grace no problem however my beverage will be of water substance with zero alcohol in it. No thank you. Alcohol fucks me up. I don’t like to be fucked up. I love being in control of myself and my emotions.
I’ve continued to take the Burns Depression checklist every week (even though my therapist is on holiday for 2wks) I have kept tracking my progress, and I am in the single digits right now for depression management! I scored a seven as my total score out of 50, and the result was ‘Normal, and not depressed.’ HA… Normal. I’m anything but normal. A 7 is outstanding; I’ll take it.
Why do I feel so happy? I have no roadblocks in my way anymore. By the way, before you think it is my ex that was my roadblock that is not the case. The dam was my doubt that I could live a life and supply my happiness without having to rely on another individual to get me through life. Like I said. No regrets! I just realized that I’m about to turn 33 in a week and I wanted more in life. I’ve never had a 2nd relationship. Other than flyboy. But flyboy will always have a special place in my heart. Flyboy and Mark had a short-lived, but our memories last a lifetime
This post is scattered, but that doesn’t matter because I’m writing my thoughts out and allowing the power of moving ideas out of my mind lets me release the Kraken of anxiety and unleash the real beast inside. The athletic, bipolar, self-sustaining happiness, SOBER, fun loving guy.