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This is awesome. I beat my goal by 100 points vs last week. #micdrop #choosehappiness #thankyoujesus #weightlossjourney #abouttime
Sounds good to me. In this ugly society of school shootings our hearts ache for those who had their entire lives blown apart Friday morning. As much as I feel that society is living through the book of revelations shows me more than ever that I need to be square with God and Christ. #thankful #christian #imgay #choosehappiness #choosewisely
#woah that’s me. #mindovermatter our own mirrors are cruel. To the outside world we shine bright. #choosehappiness #weightwatchers #weightloss #healthy
Yes 100%. Trust Jesus and anything is possible. #choosehappiness #liveyourbestlife #peaceful #mylife❤️
Emotionally draining week. #omg #seriously despite #depression and a small #meltdown on WW connect @av8r007 and got it all on 🎥. Went back and watched it and it inspired me to keep moving forward. I’ve worked too hard in my life to slow down now. #watchmego #weightwatchers #wwfreestyle #wwflex #athlete #wwbros #choosehappiness
Sooo freakin exhausted but I did it!! @rochellefitnessdance Glutes of Most Resistance. No kidding! That was awesome! 520 cal burn 30 min. #omg #aaptiv #weightwatchers #beastmode #cardioqueen
#youbetcha #thankyoujesus #inspireme #mentalhealthawareness #choosehappiness
#thankyoujesus following my dreams and letting my holy God lead the way. #liveyourbestlife #happy #transformation
I love food! I love carbs. I always have. I was never he skinny kid. I was a depressed kid. I ate my feelings. I still have depression, but it doesn’t control my life anymore. Jesus and Weight Watchers do! Plus I’m gay. Who knew? #thankyoujesus #weightlossjourney #instagay #weightwatchers #hopeful #weighin #icandoanything #jesustakethewheel
#ohwait that’s me! #weightlosstransformation #weightwatchers
Focus #mindfulness #thankful #compassion #jesus #transformation
We’ve got this. Judy said so. 👠
Not forgetting where I’m from. Just being the best version of me daily. Choosing happiness over anything else. Never give up on what you want to achieve. #believe #joy #weightlossjourney #flexfriday #beamazing
Hey everyone! Beautiful day and another no rain Friday! #feelinggood #spaceneedle #seattle #weightwatchers
Off to #therapy gonna do some #soulsearching and show my #therapist that for once in my life I’m in total control and the fact that I’ve achieved happiness is proud moments. #growup #instagood #instagay #sunny

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Rapid Cycling.. Don’t I fucking love it.   Just when I feel like it’s improving.

 

With all the death that is occurring around me I feel like if someone wants to google “What does depression feel like?” I think you should land on my blog.

 


 

 

Lately ever since my last argument with my partner, I’ve been at odds with myself over the whole mess. I’ve been really depressed the past two days while I’ve been alone while I’ve also been sick with the flu. Really I ask you what else you can throw at me next big G?

I’ve always grown up with my mum always repeating in my head “god doesn’t give you anything you cannot handle.”

Ok mother, says who? Who says that is true? Because honestly I’m not so sure that’s correct. I’ve dealt with a lot of demonic shit in my life AKA bipolar disorder and I’ve often thought how much I just can’t handle that anymore.

I was suppose to see my therapist tonight but traffic was misery and I was on the bus for close to two hours. It was shit. Fortunately Chris called me and I was able to chat with him by phone for a bit. Thank god for him really. I’d be dead without my therapist. I’m not joking.

What is the goal of depression? Is it suicide? Or is it to treat it as best we can and “hope for the best?”

Am I blogging to better equip myself to handle my depression? Absolutely.

Is it working? You betcha

So what’s the problem?

My deranged thinking patterns

I’d say I’m still battling this episode absolutely.

I really want to move out of Washington state someday. I absolutely hate winter here. Fucking. Hate. Winters.

I swear I’ve been taking my meds. Everyday. But just because you take your meds doesn’t mean shit. You still struggle. It’s just a bandaid.

I just got word today that another childhood friend of mine committed suicide back home.  I’m just at a loss for words right now that how corrupt my depression rages inside me and how it’s mission is to destroy anything it touches.

 

3 comments on “Lost among the clouds

  1. Deepika says:

    It’s difficult to know for me what to say in situations like this but I am gonna say take a deep breath, and be present. You are not feeling good but it’s temporary friend. Talk to your loved ones. Talk to the ones you feel safe. Sometimes just talking makes not everything but some things better

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe we could move to Florida together?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Please remember sweetheart, that everyone has bad days. As you said, the meds are just a bandaid (a bandaid for a sawn off limb) they don’t numb you (hopefully) so you will still feel shit sometimes.
    Especially if there is a reason.
    You have to allow yourself time to grieve. It is close butbit is not depression. Just remind yourself that it is just a cloud passing over the sun. Light will return soon. Stay strong lovely. Reach out when you need it. Be brave. Keep blogging. Keep going. All the love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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