Stigma Unraveled: Defining our successes within depression

Today is day 2 of No aspartame drinks and so far I’m feeling good. After much thought in my head.. OK 5,000 to be exact trying to second guess my best interest! My own health… Who would have thought that a schizophrenic brain would cause us to think that we’re gonna fail at trying to improve our health??

Thanks Brain for trying to be against me! Is this my depression trying to sabotage a positive thought? Or is just the Universe telling me to back off of myself and to let God lead the way to my happiness?

So yesterday I wrote about how I was going to stop drinking diet soda AND fake sugar products all together and that was that, and there was NO room for in between.. Remember for bi-polar folks..we have no middle ground.. It’s either ALL of it, or NONE of it. This is often the hardest part to accept when we think that it’s either I’m fully committed to this, or if I slip up just once I’m going to be a total failure..<—What thought process does that sound like??

ALL OR NOTHING.. I swear I should rename my blog ALL OR NOTHING because as of late that seems to be my entire thinking patterns. However distorted they appear they can look so real. Almost like I’m hallucinating that stuff is happening or that stuff is there that really doesn’t exist. I’m still coming to terms with all these diagnosis and as much overwhelming as it may be I know two things. 1.) God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle 2.) Rome wasn’t built in a day.

For being 2018 all of us have New Years resolutions that we want to achieve. In reality though how often to we actually succeed in the resolution to lose weight?? Is that not at the top of everyone’s? This is why gyms are so busy in January but come Feb 1st, gyms are empty… Why? Is it because it’s so easy to give up on ourselves? Well for me, absolutely. For the kid with zero self confidence I would say Yes. I gave up on myself long ago and this could explain why I’m addicted to drinking and smoking. What is it that is causing me so much pain and grief?

It’s my wild mind at the end of the day. Despite having so many medications in my system.. Zoloft, Adderall XR, and Ambien I find myself at the pharmaceutical drug lords hoping to stabilize my mind. One of my fellow bloggers (Joseph Emerson – What’s inside a Madman’s hat) wrote a marvelous poem that shows the struggles of medicating in the mental health system and blogs about how when we approach our doctors regarding our continued depression, we are often thrown more of the medication in hopes of stabilizing our minds. His post really resonated with me how often our doctors are prescribing these drugs like they’re handing out candy and then I started to think… John Oliver of ‘ Last Week Tonight’ Have you seen it? Amazing show.. Oliver did a spot about pharmaceutical anti depressant drugs and how overused and abused they are by doctors and staff. The monetary benefit alone that doctors receive are absurd just for recommending the drug! I’ve included the video below. It’s definitely worth a view.

If you don’t mind John Oliver slightly offensive monologue then I want you to watch this and understand me when I’m saying the entire situation in America is fucked up with pharmaceutical drug companies. I couldn’t stand to be on Seraquel.. I had the WORST nightmares on that and I had horrible side effects including night sweats.. Side effects are never fun. Yet Seraquel is one of the primary antipsychotics on the market. Ugh no!

It is my ultimate desire one day to not have to take these drugs to survive mentally but until then I had no choice and I will not voluntarily stop taking these drugs either just because I’m “feeling better.” Remember folks, in order for any drug to be effective and to work for you you have to take your meds everyday, SSRI’s especially. SSRI’s have to build up in the body before they take effect. If you only take it once in a while it will be of zero help to you. It took a good 8-10 weeks before Zoloft (what I currently take) took effect and there was no lightbulb that went off either than said “It’s working now!” It was trial and error for me and honestly learning how to slow down my emotions and thoughts really took some time to learn. CBT is the savior for this.

There are so many videos out there on YouTube regarding depression and every video I’ve ever watched about depression always show’s one primary reason why the fight is worth it… STIGMA.

My entire soul purpose of this blog is to help break down walls and eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health. There are so many people in today’s society that are completely inept and bigoted to the mental health community and god forbid I’m not like him… You know what dude? Fuck you and your ignorance. I am perfect just the way I am.. If you don’t like it.. Here you go. I made this just for you.

Everyday we are better. Every post we make.. Better.

-Mark Taylor

19 Comments

  1. Joseph Emerson

    Very well written and very well put. I will also agree that it is a healthy mix of trial and error, finding the right med for you and CBT. Along with constant self awareness and the awareness of what is around you (but not so mach as to drive yourself “crazy”) I need both to keep my head somewhat level. Great read. (Nice shoutout too bud 👊) Be well ✌️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Stigma Unraveled

      Thank you Ash! Can I call you that? 🙂 I totally agree. On that note: family doctors (PCP) have no business prescribing antidepressants, benzodiazepines, and antipsychotics. They get a crash course in psychiatry and think they’re the A team.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ashleyleia

        Of course you can call me that 🙂 I’ve had mixed experiences with family doctors. Some know their stuff reasonably well, and some are totally out to lunch. Of course the ones who are most dangerous are those who are out to lunch but think they’re the A team.

        Like

  2. Upon Being Healthy

    Whoa. I read just a half of your post and started to wonder if I had written it. Today my head was all over the place.

    I’m not bipolar but so much of my thinking is all or nothing. If I get an idea in my head at bedtime it takes some serious talking down so I won’t go do whatever it is I feel needs to be done. It’s such a strong pull!

    I have OCD. My obsessions are mostly benign. I get on a “kick”: I must read everything about Mount Everest, specifically the May 1996 tragedy. It is all encompassing. Everything I watch and read is about that subject. Luckily we have a super awesome library so I can get my hands on most of the materials for free. But I rue the day when I “need” a book that is out and I have to put it on hold. Half the time my attention is called elsewhere and I forget about it.

    So if there are times I can’t finish r adding one of your posts it’s because I’m right there in the trenches with you digging through my own all or nothing and climbing Everest. I am happy to know that someone else is out there dealing with their stuff too but it’s better for me right at this moment to not get too deep in your stuff in case I decide oooh that’s interesting and I lose myself. Again.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. amberleygriffin

        I’m sorry. They are a necessary evil for now. Perhaps one day you can be rid of them. But first let the wounds heal. Let new synapses fire and new neural pathways form and let the old worn paths become overgrown and hard for those wolves to follow them. xxx

        Like

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