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This is awesome. I beat my goal by 100 points vs last week. #micdrop #choosehappiness #thankyoujesus #weightlossjourney #abouttime
Sounds good to me. In this ugly society of school shootings our hearts ache for those who had their entire lives blown apart Friday morning. As much as I feel that society is living through the book of revelations shows me more than ever that I need to be square with God and Christ. #thankful #christian #imgay #choosehappiness #choosewisely
#woah that’s me. #mindovermatter our own mirrors are cruel. To the outside world we shine bright. #choosehappiness #weightwatchers #weightloss #healthy
Yes 100%. Trust Jesus and anything is possible. #choosehappiness #liveyourbestlife #peaceful #mylife❤️
Emotionally draining week. #omg #seriously despite #depression and a small #meltdown on WW connect @av8r007 and got it all on 🎥. Went back and watched it and it inspired me to keep moving forward. I’ve worked too hard in my life to slow down now. #watchmego #weightwatchers #wwfreestyle #wwflex #athlete #wwbros #choosehappiness
Sooo freakin exhausted but I did it!! @rochellefitnessdance Glutes of Most Resistance. No kidding! That was awesome! 520 cal burn 30 min. #omg #aaptiv #weightwatchers #beastmode #cardioqueen
#youbetcha #thankyoujesus #inspireme #mentalhealthawareness #choosehappiness
#thankyoujesus following my dreams and letting my holy God lead the way. #liveyourbestlife #happy #transformation
I love food! I love carbs. I always have. I was never he skinny kid. I was a depressed kid. I ate my feelings. I still have depression, but it doesn’t control my life anymore. Jesus and Weight Watchers do! Plus I’m gay. Who knew? #thankyoujesus #weightlossjourney #instagay #weightwatchers #hopeful #weighin #icandoanything #jesustakethewheel
#ohwait that’s me! #weightlosstransformation #weightwatchers
Focus #mindfulness #thankful #compassion #jesus #transformation
We’ve got this. Judy said so. 👠
Not forgetting where I’m from. Just being the best version of me daily. Choosing happiness over anything else. Never give up on what you want to achieve. #believe #joy #weightlossjourney #flexfriday #beamazing
Hey everyone! Beautiful day and another no rain Friday! #feelinggood #spaceneedle #seattle #weightwatchers
Off to #therapy gonna do some #soulsearching and show my #therapist that for once in my life I’m in total control and the fact that I’ve achieved happiness is proud moments. #growup #instagood #instagay #sunny

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For the 2nd day in a row, I woke up with a smile on my face.  This can’t be real.  Surely I’m in a dream where I cannot wake up.  Wait a sec!  Why is my depression not zapping the morning smile?  Something is wrong.  This is not REAL.

I look at my previous life that I left behind and I see a person that I don’t know anymore.  I’m living through my impulsive moments and I’m really thinking about CBT and continuing to reframe my thoughts and believe me when I say. It works!!  WAIT… WHAT?

As I enter my 8th month of sobriety I have discovered that when I remain clean is when I am in control of my self the most.  I’ve learned that if I sway off the path it will give me an immediate chance to re-introduce bad habits and bring back pain swiftly.  This I know.  I know that I’ve sojourned many times before and found myself in a ditch of depression.  I love myself too much to allow myself to drink again.  I am a strong-willed individual that can resist temptation and pressure from my peers.  It is ridiculously stupid how easy it is to fall into alcoholism.  mmm tastes good.  #NotTodaySatan  Substances do NOT rule my life.

Today was an amazing day actually!  I got to see a movie with my best friend Chloe.  She and I met at my previous company where we worked on a job together.  Fortunately, she didn’t have a single gay man in her life and I instantly took the job.  You need a gay bestie.  I’m amazing.  You’ll see.  Fashion, Designing, Cooking?  I’m definitely a winsome individual. Kid tested mother approved.   Chloe is a great friend to me.  She calls me on my bullshit and doesn’t let me make excuses for the shit behavior of mine or allow me to fall into an old pattern of thoughts without being yelled at.  I don’t think she’s gonna read my blog though.  I don’t think what I do here peaks at her interests which is totally fine.  It’s fine that people aren’t as open as me.

At the end of the day, you have to find what works for you long-term.  The all or nothing days are over.  I am confident that this adventure of blogging and sharing my story is providing the validation that I have been searching for my entire life.

8 months clean and loving my life.

Winsome

 

7 comments on “Depression? Not welcome here.

  1. Kick that depression out of your life. Stay happy and make more fond memories with your friend, Chloe.
    All the best!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Megha! I’m going for it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are KICKING DEPRESSION’S ASS!!! Keep kicking it, my friend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. THANK YOU TEDDY! Blogging is my redemption

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! Nice to see you

      Like

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