The Worst.

2017 has been the worst year of my life.

Yet this year I learned so much about myself and how I function.  I opened this blog, and I also made huge strides in my career however for my depression?  Toast.  Fucking awful.

I am now 8 months sober.  It has been anything but easy.  I am stronger everyday that I remain committed to my journey.   I discovered more this year regarding my mental illness that I ever knew.   I learned just how bi-polar I really am, and much I am affected and persuaded with the voices shouting in my head.

In 2018 I have visions in my head about where I want this blog to go, and the type of audience that I want to attract.  I’ve also decided to start focusing on a YouTube channel about myself and the struggles of fighting stigma in our society.  The extremest in me wants all of this to happen January 1st, but the rational Taylor tells me ‘Slow & Steady’

The trouble of it all is which voice is right?  All thousand of them want to say something and they want it NOW.  There is no patience for the bipolar mind.  It’s now or never.

I saw Chris yesterday and I came so close to bawling my eyes out with the current events of my life.  I just couldn’t do it.  I’m so miserable inside that I can’t help but want to just sob and stay in bed all day.  I fucking hate my depressed life.

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Barb

    I totally know what you mean about wanting everything, all the changes you want to make, all to happen NOW. I believe it’s part of that bipolar mindset. Wishing you a happy new year and looking forward to your posts in 2018 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ashleyleia

    Any year that involves getting sober is a huge accomplishment, despite whatever else may have happened. I look forward to checking out your Youtube channel, whether that turns out to be in January, spring, summer, or further down the road.

    Liked by 1 person

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